Bullying
 Bullying (which is also called harassment) is a form of cruelty that affects not just the bullies and victims, but those who witness the behaviour and the distress of the victim. Bullying is widespread and most commonly found in schools. A very competitive school environment can contribute to bullying.
Schools have a responsibility to create an environment where children feel safe and in recent years schools have taken steps to develop policies against bullying.
What is Bullying?
Bullying is deliberate. It is the desire to hurt, threaten or frighten someone. It can be with words or actions. It can be by one person or more, and can vary in the degree of severity. It can be a 'one-off' incident, but usually involves repeated actions by a child or children. The differences in power make bullying possible.
Bullying can include threatening, teasing, name calling, excluding, ganging up, preventing others from going where they want to, or taking away their belongings. It can be pushing, shoving or hitting and all forms of physical abuse.
It includes sending hurtful or scary messages on phone calls, SMS text or e-mails. It can be one or a number of these, however verbal abuse is the most common form of bullying.
It happens at school - in toilets, change rooms, locker rooms and playgrounds. It happens outside school - at bus stops and train stations, on transport, in parks, walking home, at sporting clubs, in fun parlours and at home.
As long as the bullying gives satisfaction and no-one does something about it, the bullying will continue.
Children who Bully
There are many reasons. Children who bully may:
* pick on just anyone, or choose their victim
* find that bullying pays (get what they want or get admired by others)
* be aggressive and impulsive
* enjoy feeling powerful over others
* not be affected by the distress of the victim
* believe that some kinds of people deserve to be bullied
* see it as fun
* have been influenced by aggressive ‘models’ (in real life and/or in movies/or on TV)
* often have a violent family background
* see their behaviour as ‘pay-back’ for some unfair treatment
* be or have been victims themselves.
Children who bully are more likely to grow up to bully their partners and their own children.
Children who are Bullied
Any child can get bullied just by being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Sometimes children who are popular, smarter or attractive can be victims of bullying but bullies may pick on children who seem easy to hurt.
Children can be picked on who:
* look different or are different, come from a different culture or different religion
* are stressed, either at home or at school
* have a disability
* struggle with schoolwork
* are not good at sport
* lack social confidence
* are anxious
* are unable to hold their own because of being smaller or weaker or younger.
Occasionally children provoke other children to bully them by teasing first.
Being bullied is very distressing for the victim and needs to be dealt with.
Signs of being Bullied
Children who are being bullied may not always tell adults. They may be afraid or ashamed. They may think it is their fault. They may think it is ‘dobbing’. They may have been threatened with something worse if they tell.
Some signs of being bullied may be:
* not wanting to go to school
* finding excuses for not going to school, eg feeling sick or being sick
* wanting to go to school a different way, eg changing the route, or being driven instead of catching a bus
* being very tense, tearful and unhappy before or after school
* talking about hating school or other children
* showing bruises or scratches
* damage to or loss of personal belongings
* showing problems with sleeping, eg not sleeping, nightmares, bedwetting
* not having any friends
* refusing to talk about what happens at school.
These signs may not necessarily mean your child is being bullied, but you need to check out what is worrying your child.
The Effects of Bullying
Being bullied can damage lives. The effects of ongoing bullying can be long-term, with the harm to the health and well-being of the bullied person lasting into adult life.
It damages self-esteem, increases anxiety and can cause serious depression. Bullies are more likely to continue with the aggressive behaviour and engage in delinquency and violence.
Bullying can make children feel afraid, petrified, lonely, angry, distressed or physically ill. Children who are always 'on guard' are always checking where the bully is and wondering when it will happen again.
When children are ‘on alert’ like this, they are less likely to concentrate or to learn. Their friendships may suffer as they are often worried and not ready to have fun.
Children may begin to feel they deserve the treatment and become withdrawn, isolated, and feel less able to fit into their world.
This article is courtesy of Children, Youth and Women's Health.
What Parents Can Do
Talking to the School |